Twins Come Out To Dad: My Reaction

All over the internet there seems to be a popular trend nowadays of young adults self-disclosing their sexual orientation 'live' to their loved ones online. There's the viral video of the Rhodes brothers 'coming out' over the phone to their father, with the thumbnail of them both sobbing. On YouTube, there's thousands of videos readily available of adolescents secretly video-taping their 'conservative' parents’ reaction. Throughout the internet, endless clips of people yelling, screaming, shouting, crying, exposing themselves and sharing such an intimate moment for all the world to see.

Firstly, as both a gay man and human being I do find it very courageous that people can put themselves out there like this, it's very brave uploading so much vulnerability. All in all, they are sending out a good message of being true to yourself and overcoming rejection and social stigma. For the twins, they may have wanted to share what was such a meaningful moment to them with the world. Seeing and being able to watch the process unfold could absolutely help someone struggling. It could have been done all in good faith and be the ultimate act of kindness.

I applaud folks for coming out in whatever manner they see fit, but I have become weary of this contrived, phony social-media documentation. As unpopular as my opinion may be I think that something as innately personal and in-depth as ‘coming out’ to family and friends should not be broadcast to absolute strangers on the internet in order to make a quick buck. Watching the twins’ video, I really felt recording their father in this fashion seemed a bit of an invasion of privacy.

What people don't realise is a lot of these videos are made with the intention of achieving viral status. They know what will generate a lot of attention and help generate a lavish pay cheque. Making money out of someone's sympathy and turning the whole experience into a financial profit and gain is not too difficult.

Videos like these tend to exploit their loved ones and manipulate their audience. Using their coming out experience as a form of self-promotion. It really has become this weird spectacle of self-imposed shame and drama. There's an obsession with becoming famous, for the right or wrong reasons. But the more normal coming out is, the more people will come out and that's the end goal here.

It’s sad that such an important moment in these two young men’s lives placed more significance on recording their father's response. If the moment was truly important don’t you owe it to yourself and your parent to do it in person? The whole thing comes across very narcissistic. People exploiting their own experiences to become famous really trivializes the real adversities many people face when coming out.

The way you live your life every day is what makes you an example to others. I have absolutely no problem with YouTubers sharing their 'coming out stories' online as they are completely different, they represent a reflection of the whole experience and speak collectively about all aspects of the journey. Visibility is important, they can put coming out and being gay in perspective for a lot of straight people who've never thought about the process or been exposed to it. I might even write a post someday myself documenting my own story as I understand how beneficial they can be. But the same does not apply to these hot mess Blair Witch Project videos, where crying for five minutes straight into a camera is expected to advocate equality.

All these videos are very serious, dramatic and intense. For people struggling with their own sexuality I want you to know that these don't reflect everyone's experience. If I was still in the closet I'd never want to come out and go through what I'd have just watched. But people don't see is that for many people it's almost a celebration, you're surrounded by loving people who are totally okay with the situation. It can even be funny. I do think coming more towards the future it's heading more in that side of things, it's comfortable, it's normal. It can be such a warm, heart-felt, happy, positive experience. Yes, there it can be tear-felt, it will be hard, some people won't understand it and not everyone will take it well as they should but if we always just concentrate on that we're never going to move on and grow. Focus on the supporters, the good ones, the people that matter.If they end up making one gay person scared that this much drama lies ahead of coming out, then are they really helping? Making money isn't wrong but making money while damaging the morale of people who are already struggling is.

Finally, I'd just like to touch on the actuality that videos like these are doing another serious disservice, there’s something really weird about 'coming out' stories like these that focus almost entirely on the parents’ reaction, be it good or bad. The point of coming out is to come out. It’s to help you, the person. It’s a psychological process or journey and a matter of personal identification and liberation, finding comfort in your own skin. These videos do the bizarre thing of setting the parents' judgement as the focal point of the entire experience. Stunts like this won’t necessarily encourage a young person to come out. If he/she is more concerned with what his/her parents will think, then we are losing sight of the genuine reality. Self-acceptance is the priority, this is your life not anyone else's.